{"id":632,"date":"2019-09-02T16:28:02","date_gmt":"2019-09-02T21:28:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/?p=632"},"modified":"2019-12-24T07:11:16","modified_gmt":"2019-12-24T12:11:16","slug":"test-weekly-newsletter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/?p=632","title":{"rendered":"Taming Your Anger…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

Taming your anger can have important benefits to<\/em><\/span>
\nyour health<\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

The goal: an easy system, based in sound psychology, to employ in moments
\nof annoyance.<\/p>\n

You shouldn’t live with it, though.<\/p>\n

Beyond improvements to your general mood and happiness, taming your anger
\ncan have important benefits to your health. Constant stress and aggravation is
\nlinked to a range of issues including overeating, insomnia and depression, and
\nangry outbursts increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes.<\/p>\n

Despite how common it is for us humans to become annoyed and angry — from
\nroad rage to air rage and work frustrations to parenting — there are few easy
\nsolutions. Maybe we’ve just accepted outsize irritation as a part of life, or maybe
\nsimple answers are antithetical to a problem that can be ingrained.<\/p>\n

Easily getting bent out of shape, even angry, is my problem, too. It was
\nhappening more than I wanted and was cumulatively stressing me out, which is
\nwhy, a couple of years ago, I set a goal to come up with an easy system, based on
\nsound psychology, that I could employ in moments of annoyance.
\nAnger “is like a blazing flame that burns up our self-control,” the Zen master
\nThich Nhat Hanh wrote. I aimed to teach myself how to rob it of oxygen and
\nsnuff it out.<\/p>\n

“We all have a ‘fight or flight’ trigger,” explained Dr. Mark Crawford, a clinical
\npsychologist. “It is adaptive. Some of us have a more sensitive one than others.
\nHowever, the good news is that we can almost ‘reprogram’ this by techniques
\nlike breathing and particularly mindfulness meditation.”
\nFor me, that reprogramming was best achieved by gaining perspective.
\nDrawing upon your own life experiments
\nBelow are the 10 simple steps I use to give perspective to, and gain distance
\nfrom, unbridled irritation and anger. Employing them has significantly reduced
\nthe number of instances in which I get irritated, or at least has shortened their
\nduration.<\/p>\n

It’s important to note that these are progressive steps. I rarely need to escalate
\nthrough all 10.<\/p>\n

Many smaller annoyances (someone cutting in line, traffic jam, kids not listening)
\ncan be tackled with just the first step. Others (unfair parking ticket, public
\nrudeness) may send you halfway up the steps. And bigger situations (a blow-up
\nwith a family member, being denied a promotion at work) may require the
\ncollective effort of them all before it is defused.
\nYou may also find it more effective to change the order, or a step itself.<\/p>\n

Step one: 10 breaths<\/strong>
\nAt the first moment you realize you are experiencing annoyance or anger, just
\nbreathe. Ten slow, deep, even breaths do wonders. Sometimes, the annoyance
\nwill have passed in just that time.<\/p>\n

Even if it hasn’t, the breaths still help. Diaphragmatic or abdominal (as opposed
\nto shallow) breaths, in which you breathe from deeper inside your belly and fill
\nyour lungs, deliver more oxygen to your body, which stabilizes blood pressure
\nand helps invoke your body’s relaxation response.<\/p>\n

What’s in your mantra?
\nIt may help to add a mantra (“I have the patience of the Buddha” is one I like to
\nuse when the kids’ bedtime-delaying tactics are keeping me from relaxing on the
\ncouch) or a calming image to hold in your mind. I sometimes accompany my 10
\nbreaths with a memory of a surfer I once watched paddling into the sunset of the
\nPacific Ocean. He is often capable of pulling my annoyance out to sea with him.<\/p>\n

Step two: Explain it to yourself<\/strong>
\nIf the breaths don’t make a dent, try explaining what’s happening to yourself.
\n“I’m annoyed right now because …” is a good sentence to finish. Articulating the
\nissue changes your response from emotion to logic.
\nThe explanation itself may be all you need, either because it creates an even
\nlonger mental break from the situation than just breathing or because when you
\nsay it to yourself, it makes more sense. It may even sound petty or even funny.<\/p>\n

Step three: Walk a meter in their shoes<\/strong>
\nMake use of this step when another person is part of the reason you are upset.
\nTry hard to see the situation from their reality and invent a subjective theory for
\nwhy they did what they did.<\/p>\n

Your theory will probably be rooted in a cause that’s benign or about them, not
\nyou. Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, maybe you can think about an
\nemergency that might be affecting their behavior.<\/p>\n

Step four: Role model grace<\/strong>
\nThink beyond the annoyance, or annoying person, and focus on your own
\nbehavior. By thinking of how you can be a model for grace under pressure, you
\nhelp yourself to become one.<\/p>\n

What would the most diplomatic, logically thinking version of yourself do next?
\nDo that. It may help to think of a cool, calm and collected pop culture icon such
\nas James Bond, Ellen Ripley, Cary Grant, Pam Grier or Obi-Wan Kenobi.
\nChange, the double-edged sword that’s worth mastering<\/p>\n

Step five: This too shall pass<\/strong>
\nWhatever it is that is getting your goat, it is temporary and manageable. You
\nwon’t always feel this way. It’s just a question of how long.
\nAcknowledging that your annoyance is finite and, in your control, and that the
\nwinds of change will blow again in your favor (sooner or later), helps frame the
\nscope of the problem, no matter how large.<\/p>\n

Step six: What really matters?<\/strong>
\nHow important is the matter upsetting you? How does it stack up against the
\nthings in life that you know matter? What is important (loved ones are a good
\nexample) can be the antidote to what troubles you now — as long as you can
\nbring them to mind in this moment.<\/p>\n

Turn your attention in that direction, and you won’t just be distracted but
\nconnected to something more important that brings you happiness. Scrolling
\nthrough the photo stream on your phone is a quick way to do this.<\/p>\n

Step seven: A funny thing happened on the way<\/strong>
\nWhatever the annoyance, make a joke about it, even if it’s a bad one. If you can
\nfind some grain of humor in the situation, smiling, laughing and even being silly
\ncan all defuse anger and annoyance. It’s not psychologically possible to
\nexperience two emotions at once.
\nThis technique is great when my child is making me wait to brush her teeth
\nbecause she “has” to brush her stuffed penguin’s teeth first.
\nEven if you’re not feeling it, the fake-it-until-you-make-it trick of smiling to boost
\nhappiness really works.<\/p>\n

Step eight: Seek solutions<\/strong>
\nIf you’ve made it this far up the steps and you are still really peeved, here’s a
\ngood (if seemingly obvious) question to ask yourself: “Is there something I can
\ndo to make it better?” Even if the answer is a small step that may not seem that
\neffective, just taking action gets you out into the frame of acting, not reacting.
\nIf you can then come up with a successful solution, so much the better. You will
\nbe the agent of change that fixes the situation and discover that you have more
\npower than you think. Just pause to make sure your solution won’t create
\nanother problem. (Hint: Sleep on that angry email response.)<\/p>\n

If you can’t come up with anything, that’s useful, too. Knowing that you can’t
\nchange something is the first step in accepting it. Cue the Serenity Prayer.<\/p>\n

Step nine: Trust in time<\/strong>
\nIn the future, it is possible that you will see this particular anger-causing
\nsituation differently. Look at past problems and see how they’ve been a catalyst
\nfor change or even a blessing in disguise. You may even look back at a difficult
\nsituation with fondness, humor or gratefulness (for having overcome it). It’s
\nworth keeping in mind that what seems bad now won’t always be so.<\/p>\n

Step 10: Call a lifeline<\/strong>
\nIf you’ve hit No. 10, it’s time to talk about the frustration with someone you trust
\nwho is not involved in the situation. Start by telling them what you did in the
\nprevious steps and why they didn’t fully work.
\nAnother person, by definition, gives you an alternate perspective; the more
\noutside your frame they are, the better. If they are a good friend or mentor, they
\nwill indubitably have advice tailored to you and your situation that has eluded
\nyou.<\/p>\n

Good and bad, it’s all the same: a Taoist parable to live by
\nThere are also professionals to talk to, especially if you feel that anger is often
\nout of your control. Reflect on the severity and frequency of your anger, because
\nan expert may be what you need if these episodes are disrupting your life.
\nThere is one more step, but it’s a bit dramatic and not so simple. It’s an Eskimo
\ncustom of dealing with anger, as noted in Rebecca Solnit’s surprisingly
\nfascinating book on the history of walking, “Wanderlust.”<\/p>\n

Walk in one direction for as long as you are aggrieved. When the emotion finally
\nevaporates, drop a stick on the ground and head back, creating a physical
\nmanifestation “bearing witness to the strength or length of the rage.”
\nIt not only combats the anger; it is also good for your heart. Exercise in general
\nis good for reducing stress and anger.<\/p>\n

As for me, my inner Hulk shows its ugly face a lot less than it used to before I
\npracticed this technique.
\nTriggers are reduced as well. And I, and everyone around me, am better for it.<\/p>\n

Contributor: G. Allan, CNN<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Taming your anger can have important benefits to your health The goal: an easy system, based in sound psychology, to employ in moments of annoyance. You shouldn’t live with it, though. Beyond improvements to your general mood and happiness, taming your anger can have important benefits to your health. Constant stress and aggravation is linked […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=632"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":641,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions\/641"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/claremontcoloniccenter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}